Alternative ADHD
Neurodivergent Coaching

Dylan Alter, JD, AACC, CACP

In a nutshell: Meaningful Solution Focused Support.

A Distinctive Blend of Executive Function Skill Building, Psychoeducation, Neuroscience, Self-Determination, Empowerment, Implementation Science, Cognitive Behavioral Practice, Emotional Intelligence, Interpersonal Skills, Self-Efficacy, Social Learning, Custom System & Strategy Development, Wrapped in a Trauma Informed, Intersectional Anti-Capitalist Non-Microfiber Blanket.

It's Hard Out There for Us Neurodivergents

ADHD & Autism can be frustrating and discouraging.

We work impossibly hard to function, with the wrong instruction manual for life, like fish trying to climb trees. Infinite planners, calendars, trying each new "perfect morning routine", "new cleaning hack", endless apps promising an organized life ignored like one more alarm.

Maybe I'll find the perfect system. I'd say "wash, rinse, repeat", but let's not bring up laundry.

It's exhausting. It's demoralizing.

Each time we feel a glimmer of hope this one will be "the one" and each time we blame ourselves for when we don't see improvement.

The isolation of ADHD and Autism, often having only our own experience to compare things to, means we can't always distinguish the wrong tools from the right ones.

We're exceptional at triage, but progress remains elusive.

ADHD'ers & Autistic Folx are neurologically, and experientially resilient. There's a consistency to the inconsistency, and a brilliant creative insight to crafted structures. Considering the overstimulation, chronic fatigue and other health issues, you probably don't get half the credit you deserve.

Considering all of the challenges, we have a lot to be proud of. Despite all of our obstacles, given the right support there isn't much we can't do. The Neurodivergent minds have omni-potential, if we can become engaged & are supported we haven't found limits of what we can do. Ableism is a larger impediment than disability. We need an opportunity to learn how our unique brains work.

That is where coaching begins.

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The word "Coach" can bring up unpleasant memories from gym class.

These days, it's also associated with a lot of charismatic content creators selling vague and expensive online courses and zoom calls to help you reach your "maximum potential!!"

(ahem)

The word comes from "Carriage," and the first use of coach defined the job as: "Someone who helps get you where you want to go."

Coaching is not focused on teaching, or convincing, or training or even inspiring, though those may be useful tools. The power dynamic of coaching is about supporting where you want to go.

Coaching is also more active than a therapist who stays removed and reflects your thoughts back to you. Many of us neurodivergent folks spend plenty of time reflecting about what we're doing and why. Coaching isn't just discussing theoretical concepts; we dive in together and practice new strategies and actions to make them real.

We figure out the best way for you to get where you want to go, together.

What organizations certify and evaluate coaches?

While coaching has surely existed for millennia in all cultures, "Modern Western American" style Coaching (tm?) was founded by Thomas Leonard, who founded the International Coaching Federation (ICF), and the International Association of Coaching (IAC). ADHD Coaching, and Neurodivergent coaching generally, is a very new field requiring unique training to prevent harm. ADHD Coaching is evaluated by the Professional Association of ADHD Coaches.

Coaching Ethics:

Ethics – PAAC (paaccoaches.org)

ICF Code of Ethics - International Coaching Federation

Coaching Masteries® - International Association of Coaching (certifiedcoach.org)

Distinguishing Coaching with “The Bicycle Story”, by Master Coach Michael Stratford.

This story is useful in explaining the difference between Coaching, Consulting,
Mentoring, Parenting and Therapy. Please know that this is a generalization. There are
lots of gray areas in this, and it is meant to be a very simple way to explain the
differences. Let’s take the example of learning to ride a bicycle.

Consultant: Studies the mechanics of riding the bike. Teaches you the laws of physics,
how the bike is propelled, what is necessary for balance, and the laws of
motion/propulsion. A consultant tells you where to sit and where to put your feet and
when to pedal. They may even offer or suggest a training program to upgrade your bike.
Then he/she leaves. Consultants are necessary experts.

Therapist: Discusses the basis for your fears about riding and the consequences of
falling. Discusses if your parents rode, and why that might be important. Explains why
it is important for your self-esteem or psyche for you to learn this and be successful.
Therapists are very useful to unwire whatever baggage may be impeding your potential to
ride.

Parent: Buys bike for you. May put on training wheels and take them off when they
think you are ready. Runs by the bike holding on until you have balance to continue and
then cheers you on as you go off riding into the sunset. Occasionally will threaten to take
away riding privileges if you don’t comply with ground rules.

Mentor: Shares with you their experience/expertise of bike riding. Gives you tips on
“drafting” and the most effective way they’ve found to ride. Models the way they think
you should ride, gives you strategies about things like changing tires quickly in a race,
how to get the most speed for your effort, what the best bike is to buy in their opinion,
and how to negotiate gravel at the bottom of a hill. Teaches you their version of proper
maintenance, warns you of dangers of riding in traffic, and tells you how to avoid them.
Sometimes holds an “I know better than you since I’ve been there before, so you’d
better listen to me” hierarchical position.

Coach: Listens to your desire to try riding. Asks you if you need instructions on how to
ride and asks where you might get them. Asks if you like the color/kind of bike you’re
about to ride. May even help you pick the bike up and help you get onto it. Runs
alongside the bike, “checking in” to see if you’re enjoying the experience and asks what
might make it more fun. Will help you discover what you need to take care of yourself
when/if you fall. When you stop, the coach might ask about your experience and what
was valuable, and whether or not you want to pursue mastery of bike riding. If you do,
the coach asks you how you might devise a plan whereby you can attain that mastery. If
you don’t, then the coach may ask you if you want to continue riding casually or if you want

to continue riding or if you want to devise a plan to sell the bike.

TLDR:

Therapy and coaching complement one another but are different. Therapy's purpose is often to help recover from psychological or emotional harm. Therapy can help us reconcile the past and integrate our identities. Coaching is more direct and active. Coaching supports a person in overcoming obstacles, designing strategies, and creating empowerment to achieve goals. For those of us who struggle with executive function, coaching can be where we learn to utilize what we've realized in therapy into our daily lives.

A critical component of traditional life coaching is "The client does the work, not the coach." Coaching also often relies on punitive style accountability, and assumes if something doesn't happen, it's the client's failure. It's also common for coaching packages to require a huge non-refundable financial investment upfront. Further, though not based in biological differences, research has shown different neurotypes seem to prefer different communication styles, and the lack of that cultural competency can lead to an inability to feel cared for, understood and to build trust. (This has also led to vast stigmatization of Autistic folx's emotional capacity, and ADHD'ers as well to a lesser extent.)

ADHD, and Autism frequently results in Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), Pathological Demand Avoidance /Persistent Demand for Autonomy (PDA), Oppositional Defiance, people pleasing, impulsive spending, anxiety and depression. These conditions can drastically reduce our wellbeing and life expectancy. I never want to exacerbate those struggles. I've never met an ADHD'er who failed to do something because they didn't care. We often don't know how to turn that intention into action. At least, not without the threat of a deadline. More often than not, pressure and stress are the most reliable and overused tools we have. While effective, the stress of relying on last minute adrenaline & cortisol can have significant health implications, far worse than burnout.

I try to express to my clients early on: If a strategy we come up with doesn't work, reach out and we'll adjust it. The strategy failed, not you." I will never make you feel guilty or ashamed of your executive functioning challenges.

I will ask you to help me understand the most effective & meaningful ways to support and encourage you, and if you don't know, we can figure that out too.

Neurodivergent competent coaching should never undermine a client's emotional, psychological or financial wellbeing for the promise of support. My coaching is always offered on a sliding scale, and unused sessions are refundable.

I'm a bit of a nerd, and I'm huge pragmatist.

Coaching is more than training. Coaching is also more than cheerleading. (But TBH, I do keep pom poms handy.)

Coaching is about having someone help you figure it all out, get it together, make things easier, have more fun, see immediate improvements, and build a collaborative relationship with your neurodivergence.

ADHD is not a lack of intelligence, even if we often make "silly" mistakes. There isn't some mystical worksheet or planner awaiting you to find it on a hero's journey through the internet. ADHD is an entirely different neuro-physiological system and how you engage with the world, those around you, and yourself. "Training" neurodivergent folks how to "use a planner" like neurotypicals do, is like training a lefthanded person to use righthanded scissors.

Coaching starts with getting to know you, your history, where problems come up, and where you thrive. Your achievements and your mistakes are all useful information. Research from learning pedagogy & andragogy, performance psychology, cognitive psychology, and social psychology has shown it's more effective, (and more enjoyable) to design systems that work for the person, rather than adapt a person to a system.

I offer a variety of coaching resources to help you move past the obstacles in your life. I will help you identify your personal values, strengths, and abilities in support of your personal and professional goals.

Contact me to see how I can help you develop different perspectives and achieve the outcomes you’re striving for.

Alternative ADHD Neurodivergent Coaching

It's Hard Out There for Us Neurodivergents

Our Clients

Alternative ADHD
Neurodivergent Coaching